Have you ever felt caught between meeting your saving goals and giving your parents a monthly allowance? Or perhaps you've avoided talking about a major purchase with your partner because you knew it would lead to a disagreement. 

These quiet pressures within our closest relationships can take a significant toll on our mental well-being. Instead of allowing these worries to build up, embracing open conversations can bring relief, helping us find common ground on financial expectations and responsibilities.

For World Mental Health Day this year, we want to reflect on how people can feel empowered to have these difficult financial conversations—not just to strengthen our finances, but also to nurture our relationships and for peace of mind.

Two sides of the same coin

Money is an important tool that allows us to provide care and security for our loved ones, enabling us to perform our duties as parents, children and other roles. 

In Singapore, a clear example is the practice of giving parents a monthly allowance. A 2023 survey by The Straits Times found that 3 in 4 Singapore adults provide their parents with regular financial support, most commonly citing filial piety as a reason.

But here’s the other side of the coin: money can also be a source of tension. Inability or unwillingness to fulfil expectations tied to money can create stress or disgruntlement. We see that often in children who feel guilty for not giving parents “enough”, and couple arguments over split of contributions arising from differences in earning power.

When we’re caught between caring for loved ones and protecting our own financial future, it’s no surprise that emotions run high. A study of social media conversations found that more than one third of conversations about money that mention parents (34%), children (37%), and spouses (42%) contained negative sentiment.

Silence costs us financially and emotionally

Within families and relationships, silence about money often stems from a fear of causing conflict or upsetting the power dynamics. Discussions, such as inheritance, are often avoided to prevent surfacing feelings of greed or entitlement from others.

These inhibitions contribute to the pervasive cultural reluctance to discuss money, which causes many of us to choose to tolerate conflicts in silence, creating prolonged stress and anxiety. 

There are financial costs too—it is estimated that 70% of affluent families will see their wealth dissipate by the second generation, and 90% will lose it by the third generation. There are several reasons for this:

• Generations are taught not to talk about money
• The prior generations worry that the next generation will become lazy and entitled
• Many have no clue about the value of money or how to handle it

Silence can be expensive, not just financially, but in terms of trust, understanding and harmony within our families. Open communication gives us and our loved ones a platform to set boundaries and reconcile differences.

Strengthening emotional connection through boundaries and expectations

Every one of us grew up with different experiences with money, which led us to our unique beliefs about what it represents and how it should be used. 

More often than not, navigating financial tensions with our loved ones is a delicate process. It requires tenderness because it can get personal and uncomfortable. With time, patience and empathy, the outcome can be extremely rewarding, building greater connection.

Manage expectations of financial support from loved ones

While contributing to the household and supporting one's parents at old age is a virtue, it is another conversation to be had if it creates strain on your finances. As we age, our financial responsibilities tend to grow, such as a down payment on a home, starting a family, or building a retirement fund. 

If you are feeling financially strained, communicate it with your loved ones to help them understand your challenges. Verbalising your feelings also creates a psychological distance that puts you in a less reactive and more thoughtful state of mind to figure out a solution together. 

For instance, instead of committing to a fixed sum or percentage of your income for their allowance, sit down with your parents to understand their actual financial needs. Perhaps they need help with specific costs like household bills, medical insurance premiums, or groceries. 

Help also can come in non-monetary form, including gestures of care and spending quality time with them.

This approach transforms the dynamic from a form of payment to one of thoughtful, targeted support. The goal is to ensure your support is both meaningful for them and manageable for you.

Shift your perspectives on boundaries

Some family members and couples may want to combine finances for convenience. In theory, pooling resources together can simplify management, but in practice, requires constant communication about expectations, responsibilities and boundaries. 

Of course, there are upsides to joint management: research has found that couples who jointly engage in financial partnership activities, such as making joint financial decisions, financial planning, and budgeting, experience a higher level of relationship satisfaction. 

Joint financial planning can be effective and fulfilling when all parties involved are active participants throughout the process. That includes communicating expectations, defining responsibilities, reviewing progress together—among others.

It is also perfectly normal to demarcate what is “yours” or “mine”—provided that it is clearly communicated. You may consider setting up a system where personal spending and goals are separate from joint expenses like mortgage, utilities, and groceries, as well as savings or investments for common goals. 

When everyone feels heard and respected in the process, money becomes less of a battleground and more of a bridge.

Breaking barriers to improve our relationship with money

Financial wellness is closely tied to emotional wellness. While adequacy matters, so does the ability to free ourselves from unhealthy expectations and burdens. In the process, we learn more about our relationship with money—how we value it, and the boundaries we have.

Such learnings have a ripple effect on other aspects of financial wellness, including how we invest our money. Emotional awareness and resilience are key ingredients to tide through market volatility and increase the odds of successful long-term investment outcomes. 

By breaking the silence on money, we invite empathy, build stronger bonds, and create clarity for both ourselves and our loved ones. Taking control of our finances is not just about numbers—it’s about caring for the people we love, while also honouring our own future.