Think you know your partner? Ask these 10 questions before you BTO

Zodiac signs, tarot cards, MBTI – you've explored it all to check your match with your partner. But have you considered your financial compatibility?

Buying a house is exciting, but with it also comes the unexciting parts of Excel sheets and difficult conversations. Like most couples planning for a BTO under the Fiance-Fiancee Scheme and readying yourselves for a new stage in your relationship, your conversations probably have evolved from splitting the restaurant bill on a weekend night to discussing how to save up together for that first downpayment. 

During these money talks, it’s important to understand each other's financial habits and attitudes. Beyond just ensuring that you are able to afford your BTO, financial compatibility plays out even more prominently when you have shared mortgages and big-ticket items to pay for.

We need to talk… money

And how do you find out your partner’s money habits, especially when it comes to building a home together? 

We have narrowed down 10 questions that you and your partner can use to learn more about each other, and maybe even take this chance to firm up your BTO plans. 

So light a candle, put some music on, and spend your next Friday evening having this money talk with your partner.

1. How much do you need in savings to feel secure?

Some people need a big safety net to sleep well at night, while others are comfortable with a smaller cushion. 

Understanding how much your partner needs in savings to feel secure can help you both align your financial goals. 

Discussing this can help you plan your shared financial strategy for your future BTO, ensuring that none of you has to bear the burden of stress from feeling financially unprepared.‍

2. How comfortable are you with taking on debt for needs versus wants?

There’s good debt, and there’s also bad debt. 

Most people would take up housing loans for their BTO, but issues come up when the housing loan mortgages put a dent that is a tad too big for comfort, or when loans are taken for things that one of you don’t see the need for.

As first home buyers, It’s important to put aside the excitement of perfecting your home and differentiate what’s truly a need versus a want, and prioritise them. 

Additionally, some people are comfortable taking on debt, while others just want that debt off their backs as soon as possible. Knowing where your partner stands can help you find out how to deal with debt and support each other as a couple.

3. Will you tell me if you have financial difficulties?

Transparency is key in a marriage, finances included. 

Asking your partner if they will be open about any financial difficulties can build trust. Coming up with a realistic scenario could facilitate this discussion, for example: if one of your parents has a huge medical bill that your partner can’t afford, will they talk to you about it?

4. If there’s one thing you would change about my spending habits, what would it be?

This question can be a fun way to gain insights into each other's spending habits, but don’t forget to be respectful when giving your partner feedback, and to keep an open mind when receiving one in return. 

Maybe you would splurge on a Dyson hairdryer, while your partner prefers using that money for a Dyson vacuum cleaner. Understanding these differences can help you both find a balanced approach to spending that works for both of you, yet doesn’t stop either of you from pursuing your own individual interests.

5. What kind of space will our home be?

Some people design their homes to be communal spaces where they can host their friends and families, while others prefer it to be a private space for personal time. For some, a house is little more than an investment. 

Your priorities will reflect your individual values and preferences, and it’s important that your shared house feels like a home for the both of you. And if you intend to sell this home eventually, planning your finances and even down to how you renovate your home will be things you need to consider together.

6. How should our BTO-related payments and household expenses be shared – an equal split or based on our incomes?

Maybe people are right to argue about bill-splitting on the first date – as trivial as it might sound, this question could be telling of your beliefs about financial responsibilities in a relationship.

Discussing how to split BTO payments (including downpayment and future mortgage payments) and household expenses can prevent misunderstandings down the road, especially as first home buyers. Some people may be hesitant to broach the topic at risk of sounding calculative, but it can be done by being clear with your partner about your intentions.

Whether you prefer an equal split or a proportional one based on your incomes, having this conversation ensures that both partners feel the arrangement is fair and manageable. Plus, it helps to discuss this early so that the both of you can assess who may need to step in to cover any shortfall in cash or Ordinary Account (OA) savings at every point of the BTO payment timeline.‍

7. Are you comfortable with us setting up joint accounts for investments and household expenses, like for mortgage, utilities, and groceries?

For married couples, expenses tend to be shared, which makes setting up joint accounts for investments and household expenses simpler for financial management and even compounding higher returns from investments. However, it requires a high level of trust and transparency. 

Discussing setting up joint accounts and how to fairly manage them together can help you both decide if it is the right move for you: what should the money be used for? Will the money be invested, and what should it be invested in? Set rules and expectations that the both of you can adhere to.

8. Will our parents financially support us in our home purchase? If yes, do you have any concerns?

Parental support can be a great help, but it can also come with strings attached. Discussing any potential financial support from your parents and any concerns you might have can help you both set boundaries and manage expectations.‍

9. Do you want to have kids, and if yes, what are some considerations we should have?

Having kids is a major life decision that comes with significant financial considerations. Discussing your expectations and plans is extremely important before you decide to bring a new life to the world, ensuring that you’re both prepared and will do your parts – not just financially, but also emotionally and mentally – for the responsibilities that come with raising a family. 

10. If we were to ever separate, how would we deal with the BTO and remaining mortgage?

Not a pleasant topic, but discussing how you would handle the BTO and remaining mortgage in the event of a separation is a practical conversation to have. It ensures that both of you are aware of the financial and legal implications, and be upfront with your opinions about the best way to handle separation. 

Let’s make the difficult talk less difficult

That’s 10 questions to ask your partner! 

Having these conversations early in your BTO journey, or even in your relationship, can help to iron out disagreements or issues that may surface as your financial responsibilities grow with a home and even a family. 

Invest an hour or two to talk about them within yourselves – your future selves will likely thank you.